“What Have You Really Got to Lose?”
It may sound like a silly question, but think about it. There are certain opportunities you don’t want to miss out on because if you erred on the side of caution, you’d miss out, big time and you’d possibly be filled with regret. I believe that with some authority I can say that I am absolutely convinced that as a Christian single there is absolutely no risk of missing out on anything if you err on the side of caution when it comes to the ‘hot topic’ of whether or not it’s a good idea to kiss or “mess around with” any person before you’re married (not engaged, but married, as in signed on the dotted line, it’s official).
Why can I say it with “authority”? Well, I was married 4 months after my thirtieth birthday. A miracle filled marriage, for many reasons, one of them being the fact that my husband and I shared our very first kiss on our wedding day.
For me, it wasn’t only the first kiss we had shared, but the very first kiss I’d ever shared with any guy. Did I have any regrets that day? The day I signed away my “chance” to kiss any other guys for the rest of my life, I’d only ever know my husband’s kiss… dum dum daaaaah.
No, not one regret. I hadn’t lost a thing, but I could have. The truth is yes, we do have a lot to lose if we risk in this area of our lives. My husband had made different decisions in his single years, decisions that saw him losing much. Has God forgiven him? Absolutely. God also restored and is still restoring him, for sure. However, out of the two of us- only one of us would have walked out our single years (in terms of kissing, purity etc.) differently.
A miracle filled marriage, for many reasons, one of them being the fact that my husband and I shared our very first kiss on our wedding day.
Let me cover the other topic or question I know many singles wonder (worry) about. If I don’t kiss people before I’m married, or “test the waters”, won’t it be awful or unnerving when I do get married? I thought about that often. To be honest I was crazy nervous about this topic, right up until the morning of our wedding. How on earth was I going to transition from “the virgin bride” to a wife in a matter of hours, literally? Every person’s journey in this area is unique, but what I can tell you from my own experience is that it is far easier to enter into marriage and intimacy with a “blank page” and questions than entering in with a page blotted with past experiences or memories. God forgives and makes new but He doesn’t brain wash, often memories and past experiences remain in your mind and require you leaning heavily into God’s grace to overcome and fully walk out the ‘new life’ God has for you.
There are many scriptures that speak of God’s desire for us all to live lives of purity (before and after we marry, whether we marry at all). I encourage you to go look for those scriptures, fill your mind with them. Ask yourself the hard question (which applies to so many more areas of our lives than “just” purity), is this ‘thing’ I’m debating or compromising on or “fiercely defending the grace to have in my life” about me and my needs, or is it about others, more than others, is it about God’s good pleasure and glory?
I want to encourage you to choose to set the bar as high as possible in the area of purity. The truth is, when you do, you have no risk of missing out on anything! It’s one of those all round win-win decisions. In fact, you set yourselves up for success when you start the physical side of your marriage “inexperienced”- it actually makes things easier! Ask yourself this question- what good reason do you really have NOT to err on the side of purity?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Juliet, also known as Jewels, is a member of the Four12 admin team. An 80’s baby she grew up in Cape Town as a ‘PK’ (pastor’s kid), the youngest of four children. Most days you’ll find her out running with her hubby, hanging out with her family or enjoying a good cup of coffee.
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