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Smiling Again

 

I arrived in Cape Town for the Four12 School of Prophecy a little nervous and wondering what on earth I had let myself in for? I had flown 10000km from the Isle of Man in an act of obedience to God’s call but I was still slightly hesitant as to why He wanted me to be there.

I thought I was coming to learn how to listen to God’s voice, and to some extent I was, but then God exceeded my expectations and did so much more than ‘just’ that. The teaching and training we received stretched and pushed me far beyond my comfort zone. I couldn’t rely on my own strength; I was completely dependent on God’s enabling. Each day of the school, as I took baby steps forward in hearing God’s voice, God worked more and more in my heart.

Throughout this past year I have been struggling with fear. I was stuck believing the lie that I was a failure and felt really fearful of what people thought of me. I was plagued by questions like: “did people like me? “ and “what were people saying about me?” I felt completely restricted by these plaguing worries.

 I want to do everything for the audience of One and as long as my God is pleased with me, nothing else matters.

Over the time at the school, as I trusted God more and more He removed my fear and replaced it with His joy. Not an emotional ‘giggly girlish joy’ that lasts for a moment, but a joy that bubbles up from somewhere deep within and brings with it incredible freedom. It doesn’t matter to me now what people think about me. I want to do everything for the audience of One and as long as my God is pleased with me, nothing else matters.

The teachings at the school that were designed to equip us, took me deeper in my relationship with God and the Holy Spirit ministered to my heart as I walked in obedience to the things He was asking of and saying to me. God touched the deep places of my heart and brought His healing. He has restored a smile that has been absent for too long.

The school was so much more than me learning to hear the voice of God for other people. It was also about hearing God’s heart for me, spoken through the team leading the school, through the Holy Spirit whispering through the worship times, through the love of the people around me. God knitted our hearts together in a deep way. He created friendships that now span across continents. He has relit a fire within me, to seek Him in the secret place and to be obedient when He calls me into His plans, as his plans are far better than any plans I may have.

 



ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alison is a part of Living Hope based on the Isle of Man. She is married to James and together they parent their four precious children.

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