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For This Child We Prayed

 

I’m going to share with you a snippet of our adoption story. It is the less often shared piece of our story but it’s the piece that shows the beautiful truth that every wonderful gift, also has a cost element to us in the earning of it – but oh, how worth it!

If you told me in the year 2010 that I would be sitting here now writing this, kids in the background shouting to some music they have blasting in their rooms (I think it is the soundtrack to Disney’s Cars) I’m not sure I would have believed you, as at the time my husband and I were in the middle of a tough journey through infertility. Our road to becoming parents was not an easy one to travel, made harder for me because all my life I felt a real call to be a mother and I felt that I had something of a mothering grace gift on my life. I remember a good friend saying to me once, “Katie, to not make you a mother would be like taking a beautiful fruit bowl and putting toilet rolls in it, it just would not make any sense!” But none the less, here I found myself living the life of a toilet roll stuffed fruit bowl! I felt I wasn’t able to be what I felt I was made to be all along – a mother.

What Ian and I noticed in ourselves quite soon in the journey, was that when there is a deep desire within your heart, especially one God has given you, there is very little you won’t do, or won’t go through, or won’t ask of God, to see the fulfilment of it. It becomes a constant longing and always on your mind. Not a longing coming from a place of feeling lack, but from a place of feeling called. In the quest to become parents, if there was something to be done, we did it, and at times at great personal or financial cost. We consulted with specialists, we asked for prayer, we longed for prophetic words, we beseeched God. We asked our friends and family to pray for us, we even prepared our whole baby room in faith before a baby was in sight! We felt to be ready and sow in faith to the call over us to be parents.

To parent natural and spiritual children is costly yes, it will take most of your time, most of your finances, much of your emotion, but it’s a joy and a gift and I believe not only are we called to it, but we are made for it!

Shortly after the baby room was completed, Ian felt God say we will be adopting our first baby….and then began the real cost! The adoption process can be excruciating. Every element of your life is under scrutiny; your finances, your home, your family and friends, your mental health…it was painful and I sobbed through much of it but we knew it was worth it for the gift to come. All through the adoption process, I said: “God, I may not have physical labour pains, but I’ll honour this painful process and cost as if it was labour because the end result is the same and worth it!”

And it’s expensive financially, very expensive! We gave up on owning a home to rent for a season to free up finances, we gave up holidays, we gave up eating out, we gave up new clothes, I filled out forms for days, so we sacrificed time. During all this, we felt we were paying a high price and everything seemed so costly, but looking back we would have sacrificed much more if we had to. You see, when you have received the gift, you suddenly realize there is no cost too great in the earning of it!

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The Jonker Family

The day we collected our son and 2 years later our daughter, it felt like I had all of heaven celebrating with us the end of a costly season of becoming family. I cannot describe the joy of feeling the weight of those little baby bodies in my arms for the first time.
I remember looking down at my children and I didn’t even know them but I knew within seconds I would die for them and go through this process a million times over, they were so worth it!

And even today that spirit of adoption and that heart to bear whatever the cost for the person’s rescue in a sense, into family, has spilt into how we walk with the people God adds to us. I was sitting with one of the young women we walk with the other day and she said to me, “I hope I am not being a burden on you.” And I replied, “please don’t ever think you are a burden, you are a reward and a gift to me, I prayed for God to add people like you to our family!”

I love this quote from Derek Loux that sums it up perfectly:

“My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him.”

To parent natural and spiritual children is costly yes, it will take most of your time, most of your finances, much of your emotion, but it’s a joy and a gift and I believe not only are we called to it, but we are made for it!

 


ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kate is married to Ian and together they parent their two precious children. Kate is a part of Joshua Generation Church, specifically the City Bowl congregation, where she is a deacon and serves primarily in the area of children’s ministry.

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